Don't die Severus
by Cloelius Princess
Summary: Fawkes is not what it always seemed. She was under a curse for decades. Severus is desperate after killing Dumbledore. All he wish is to die. Could Fawkes prevent him from doing so?


**Don't die, Severus**

**Fanfiction written for a contest that was proposed to me **

**Sometimes people can become desperate with themselves, with their lives. **

**Once Severus Snape felt like that. And in that terrible moment, there was someone there to save him from desperation. Fawkes.**

Fawkes looked outside the window with sad eyes. Her "owner" of so many years will never caress her feathers again. Now, he was dead. After so an entire year watching him dying slowly, she wasn't expecting this end. Not really. Not that she hadn't heard every single chat between Dumbledore and Severus Snape. Oh yes, she heard them all. But for some reason, she always imagines that Severus wouldn't be able to do it in the end. Not even to save Draco, the little brat.

But Severus did it. It was hard to imagine how it must have felt, being almost forced to kill someone. By the person itself.

If she was still a human, and Dumbledore have asked her... She would never be able to accomplish the goal. Because she loved Dumbledore as if he was her father. How could she kill the man who takes her under his protection so many years ago without asking anything? A favor here and there. It was nothing really.

Yes, Fawkes has once been a human. A pretty young Gryffindor. But one day things changed drastically. A curse has been cast on her family. She was the only one left in the end, and in the body of a mythic creature. A phoenix.

Always condemned to die and reborn. Time after time.

Dumbledore discovered her situation. And take her to be "his pet".

It was not a bad thing. To live in Hogwarts constantly. But it was a little difficult to watch the students growing up, going away... And she was always there, the same.

Now that Dumbledore was dead, was she supposed to stay there? With Snape? They never really remember to think about it. Dumbledore and Snape.

Suddenly, a door opened. Her attention was turned to that direction.

A dark figure entered the headmaster rooms. Severus. He was as pale as a ghost. More than she had ever seen him. And the contrast with the black robes just makes that more perceptible.

For a moment he looked around, carefully watching for any kind of treat. Finding there was none, he all but floated to a chair and let himself drop dead on it.

He was feeling like... Like a true murderer. For God sake, he just killed his headmaster. He will be convicted once the war would be over. Because as foolish as it may seem, he still hoped to get out of this war alive. Probably would be best to simply get killed by Voldmort and end with his misery once and for all. He had made a stupid promess once. But too much is too much. And his life was just a continued misery. Nothing more.

If he was brave enough, Severus would kill himself. The Avada Kedavra. Would it hurt?

-Stupid old cod. He run away and I stay behind to pay the bill. Like always. But I'm tired of all this make believe. I'm tired of running from every shadow. It's too much. Even for me.

Fawkes listened to all this and felt her heart sink. Poor man. Another victim of the Dark Lord. She was already a phoenix when the first war broke. She knew Severus entire story. From the very beginning. It was a very sad one.

She watched as the dark man cried in despair. She watched him taking his wand out of his pocket and lifting it up. Just when he pointed it to his chest she began to understand his idea.

-No! - She wished she could cry with all the force of her lungs. - He can't do it! He can't! Dumbledore accepted to die because he knows that Severus would remain to continue his mission.

Fawkes jumped from her spot and lifted flight to close the distance between her perch and the chair Severus was sited on.

-Leave me alone, stupid bird. Your owner is dead. You're free to fly wherever you wish to. Enjoy it. Run away when you still can. Because you can do it- Severus yelled to her, protecting himself from her attempts to get closer.

He didn't wish to have a bird scratching him right now. Not even a phoenix. He didn't wish any kind of company at all, really.

But Fawkes didn't give up. She couldn't give up if the man was about to commit suicide in front of her. He could be a Death Eater. He could be even a murderer. But he didn't deserve to die in such a way.

She continues to annoy him, flying around him with no peace. Until she managed to make Severus drop the wand to the floor. Just then she landed right on the top of the wand to avoid him picking it up again.

-What in the hell did you want, Phoenix? To be turned on some kind of broth? Maybe be roasted? You're a bird after all. I can do it very easily even without my wand.

Fawkes looked at him curiously. He could indeed do that. Despair made him capable of that, even if a person stopped to think that a phoenix was always a Phoenix. Something precious, unique.

Unexpectedly she just felt a hand hitting her. She was thrown through the entire room without realizing it. The moment she lifted her head and looked around again, Severus had the wand at the level of his chest, directly in front of his heart.

-No, Severus! Don't do it! - She screamed.

Severus remained stunned the moment that voice was listened. Where had that came from? The next moment he saw her. Right on the spot the phoenix had landed after he hitted her. A woman, still on the prime of her beauty.

The woman seemed to be as confused as Severus. She took a moment to look at herself, admiring her hands, touching her own skin. Next she looked at Severus. Those eyes. Oh, by Merlin. They were honey colored, like liquid honey, golden. And they were looking at him with a worried expression.

-Severus? - She asked.

-Who are you? What...what are you?

-I'm... Fawkes. - She whispered, trying very hard to make sense to herself. It seemed so odd to feel the sensation of her skin touching the floor again.

-Fawkes? You're a woman?

- Well, I was. Long ago. Maybe long ago that I can recall. - She tried to smile. It was not painful, yet after so many years without an actual mouth it felt almost wrong.

-Why didn't Dumbledore ever tell me that? You're what to him? His prisoner?

-No.-She exclaimed. - Never. I was always free to come and go. I refused to leave. I was ok here at Hogwarts. Under his protection.

-He protected you? The old cod?

-Yes, he did- Fawkes confirmed, nodding. - Many, many years ago a curse was cast over my family. I was the only one left. In the body of a phoenix. I never discovered why. Not even after all this years. I was only a teen at that time. Dumbledore discovered me one day. He told me later that he have been looking for me with others. Trying to find out what have happened to me and my family. He recognized me. I will never be able to say how he did that. He took me here again, to the castle. Presented me to everyone that already knew me as his new pet. And anyone ever showed signs of recognition. In a first moment I remained completely depressed. But, you know... Years come and go. Time pass. And being Dumbledore pet can be quite spectacular at times. There was always people coming and going, interesting conversations…- Dumbledore talked a lot out loud to her. About any kind of thing. Sometimes Fawkes imagined that after some time he already did that without thinking about it. Just out of habit.

Severus continued looking at the woman in front of him with wonder. All those years. And he never even imagined that the phoenix… Could not be a phoenix! It was a complete madness.

Fawkes meanwhile tried an incredible hard thing: Getting up on her feet! After decades of being a phoenix it was really hard if not almost impossible to stand still. She seemed a toddler, learning how to walk again, step by step. She fall to the ground with a muffed sound. It was stupid, really. She wonder if should not be hilarious for someone watching other than Severus and herself.

When she was imagining if she should try to crawl, a hand come to her vision camp.

-Do you need a hand?

She lifted her eyes first from the floor to his hand, them to his face. He was not menacing by any means. He doesn't feel like that. He felt calm. Almost conforting.

She nodded to him, accepting his help.

Severus was unexpectably carefull with her. Instead of just giving her a hand to help her lift herself, he picked her from the floor onto his arms, carrying her away to a very confortable chair.

-Severus? What are you doing?

-Well, you can't walk. So I'm carrying you to a proper place for you to sit instead of staying on the floor.

-You're a gentleman.

-Oh, very far from that. I'm the old bat from the dungeons, don't you know?

He said it with some kind of wicked humor, Fawkes could sense that. But it was unfair. He was just a man trying to survive. The best way he can manage to.

He layed Fawkes on the chair like if she was made of glass. So gentle. So unlike whatever was expected from Severus Snape.

Fawkes could just admire this man. Moments ago he was about to comite suicide.

Now, he was being well… Loving, really.

-Will you not try to kill yourself anymore? Please, Severus?

His features hardened again. The usual mask of indiference return.

-Why would you care?

-Because deep inside you're a good man.

-You don't know me.

-No, I don't know you. But I know your story. I hear every single conversation you have with Dumbledore in this office. I was here, don't you remember?

- If I only imagine that…

-I know. You would never have talked so freely. That's exactly why Dumbledore never tell you about me. Well, that and the fact that I would never be a human again for that matter. At least was what we think once.

-Now you're human.

-Yes, now. I don't know what comes next. This is all so strange. I was in panic for you. Dumbledore leave everything behind because he was sure you will remain and continue.

- The old cod have always made sure to avoid too serious problems. You should know that by now.

- And I know. But there's anything we can do right now, Severus. He IS dead. And you are ALIVE. You're the new headmaster. You must go on with all this.

-I can't. Don't you understand? I'm tired of this games. I'm tired of being alive just because the others want me alive to do whatever they please with my life.

-Think this way: If you succed, you will be free.

-Yeah, and what are the possibilities of ever being succeded? Even if the war by a miracle over tomorrow, I will still be a murderer. I will get a life sentence in Azkaban.

-Not if you run. Run away Severus. In the first possibilitie you have after this is over. Run for your life.

-What about you? What will you do?

- By now? Stay here to help you. If you allow me.

-Wouldn't you prefer to run now, when you still have a chance?

-And leave you alone with all this burden on your back? Never. And later, I don't even know how will I wake up in the morning. Will I still be a human or will I return to being a phoenix? I don't know the answer to that question.

-Neither do I. Unfortunately. Sorry.

-Oh, don't say that. It's not your fault. But believe me: If I can help you in any way, I will help you. Either it is by doing you company, or by helping you escape.

-Thank you, Fawkes.

-No matter. Now probably would be better to have a nice night of sleep. Go to your rooms, Severus. Tomorrow will be a very hard day. I will be waiting for you.

Next Day…

The first thing Severus did in the morning was jumping of his bed and running to Dumbledore's office.

Yet he didn't find the woman anymore. Fawkes have returned to his animal features. And was crying at her spot.

-Fawkes…- He whispered.

Upon hearing his voice, fawkes take flight and landed on his shoulder. She searched for confort on him.

-Sshhhhhh...Sssshhhh… It will be alright. You promess, don't you remember? You promess to stay with me. And I will take care of you too. We will have each other.

The End

-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-.-.-…-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- .-.-.-.-…-.-.-

This is somehting maybe a little AU, for what I remember from the canon. Yet, it was what I felt like presenting.


End file.
